How is it possible? This, my friends, is the question I am asking myself perpetually these days.
Take a gander at the wordcount widgets over to the right on your screen. If you’re too lazy, I’ll make it easier: it has a really big number on it. That’s how big my current novel is. And I’m asking myself, how is it possible?
Truth be told, I don’t know. I don’t know how I’ve managed to dodge all of the bullets WB is constantly shooting at me. (WB: abbreviation for Writers’ Bane, an organization devoted solely to the humiliation of writers everywhere. Donate today!) Writer’s block, lack of time, pure indolence, broken wrists, debilitating sicknesses, death, what-have-you– somehow, I’ve avoided it all.
It must be that new Repel-All Body Armor I bought off of Percival last month. It works wonders, though the impervious visor does get a little steamy around midday.
Truth be told, I have no idea how I’ve gotten this far without dying. Between you and me, I don’t think WB is giving it their all.
Really, I think that the only limit on how much I can write is how far my plot will let me write. Last November my plot forced me to wrap up at 50,172 words. This summer, I think I can make it at least to 85k before everything starts to fizzle out.
And if I’m really dedicated to getting to 100k, I can always write a 15k epilogue. Who would complain? Who would read it?
I think this story isn’t worth spit. I think the beginning stinks. If Earth weren’t such a big part of the plot, I’d sequester Vorse from its counterpart and make this a world apart from Earth and modern civilization.
That was a joke. A world apart? Never mind.
Where was I? Oh, yes, worth spit. I mean, not worth spit.
I’ve managed to cut my novel into a few distinct parts. Part one is what I call the beginning– quite a brilliant name, I think. That part goes from where the story begins to where my first main character is killed in a shipwreck.
The second part is what I call the middle– another awesome name. That goes from where I had my new main character fall off of a sinking ship to where I had my main character’s employer try to kill him and my main character goes to find a new employer. Smart move, yes?
The third part is not the end, but middle part two. This is where the main character is in cahoots with the antagonist– his new employer, as it happens. This part also has the supporting characters that make up the good side actually work for the destruction of everything we know and love. I am actually still writing this part, so I’m not sure where it ends yet. But this is not the end, for I still have 10k left to go before I hit my goal.
The fourth part I don’t want to think about because that might be called plotting, and I’ve had a lot of success with doing the exact opposite so far. This part– called the end– will be characterized by the 15k epilogue.
I really don’t think WB is trying very hard. They might be gathering their forces for November, I fear… I don’t exactly know why they haven’t attacked, but I know that they haven’t. Why? Because I haven’t had writer’s block. I haven’t had a single day when I could write at least 2k, which is already over the average you might need to finish 50k in a month. My characters haven’t refused to go on. There hasn’t been a plot hole that wasn’t resolved in the next scene– which, I have to say, is really cool. I’m writing, I realize that Hey, all of those man-eating hares aren’t trying to eat the man that’s standing in the midst of them… Why? In the next scene, the assassin mallard explains to the main character’s former employer that he tried to kill the MC by giving him the hide of a volatile buffalo for a few things he needed to make, which explodes after being in contact with an energy source– such as a body– for so long. These hares have the instinct to stay away from the buffalo hide, and thus they don’t try to kill the person who, surely, will be killed before long.
And yes, that’s a real example.
This is an exhilarating draft, even though it’s unlikable. I realized today that the reason I write as I go instead of plotting is because it feels like I’m reading a book. My mind picks out the potential plot holes, then when their cure comes to light I think, Oh… cool! I’m seriously writing like this. I don’t know how it worked that the plot twist that robbed the antagonist of his enormous success (it was too early in the draft– I couldn’t have it end there, so I stuck in a plot twist) was the same thing that saved the main character’s life. If you’re wondering, it was raw meat.
I might not be enjoying the story itself, but I’m enjoying how it’s coming to light. The overall thing isn’t worth spit, but the little aha moments are worth all of that.
Well. Not really. I’d still like to write something that had a lot of aha moments and still be good. But we can’t have everything, can we?
I can’t help but think how many aha moments I would have missed if I had plotted this thing all the way out. I did actually outline the first few chapters with the old antagonist– the one who was killed before those first few chapters were over. I didn’t do anything that the outline told me to do. For instance, I thought that Captain Victor the coat peg would surely have a wooden body that he could maneuver about instead of the two ships he wrecked and a duck he just stabbed and controlled for a brief time. I also thought there would be some awesome sword fights somewhere in this. No. I have a knife fight, and my main character was stabbed by a coat peg– yes, it was Victor. If you remember, in the character outline for Laidue, my second (and real) antagonist, I said that Laidue had a liking for the entity governing cold. Well, I didn’t plan on the fact that my new main character was being hunted by that same entity governing cold precisely because it would spite Laidue, and I definitely didn’t think that the cold guy’s chief correspondent and tool would be a sentient rock.
I absolutely hate how I’m describing the high points of the story to you and it sounds like my characters are just running around meeting talking animals that explode, or inanimate objects that can talk. There’s much more to it than that.
And this brings me to my next thought: after a lot of editing, this thing could be readable. It’s possible. After a lot of editing, in which the story would change completely– because I must keep the integrity of the story by haphazardly throwing things together– and my characters’ motivations would change utterly, it would be readable. But is this the great American novel, written by the new Christopher Paolini? I sincerely hope not. Unfortunately, I don’t think so.
Seriously, though, if WB wants to keep me from writing this thing, they’re letting a lot of aha moments slip through. I am having the time of my characters’ lives.



Qui Sait Rien
/ August 22, 2012Writing is, at least the way I do it, a continual series of events pulled from thin air whenever I think the story is about to stagnate. It’s much more fun that way. ANd occasionally results in ninjas.
Liam, Head Phil
/ August 22, 2012I have never done a ninja… And I’d like to keep it that way. Do they ever wash those robes?
Qui Sait Rien
/ August 23, 2012The ones who randomly show up for me do indeed wash their robes, because I would kick them out if they didn’t. Random ninjas should be neat. *nodnod*
Liam, Head Phil
/ August 23, 2012Erm, yeah… I think I’ll stick with my ducks.
Qui Sait Rien
/ August 23, 2012Bah. Ducks are all well and good, but my ninjas gave one of my MCs a phaser. So it’s automatically cool.
Liam, Head Phil
/ August 23, 2012…If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were writing fanfictions.
Qui Sait Rien
/ August 23, 2012Not a fanfiction, just gratuitous pop culture references. Including phasers, an android that sounds like Darth Vader, and real life games of Frogger.
Liam, Head Phil
/ August 23, 2012…Indeed. *coughcoughthatsfanfictioncough* Excuse me, a word went up the wrong way.
Qui Sait Rien
/ August 23, 2012Not a legit phaser. They just call it that. But if that’s fanfiction, then I shall let my banner fly, because I think it’s funny.
Liam, Head Phil
/ August 23, 2012So it’s just one of those little toy laser pointers?
Qui Sait Rien
/ August 23, 2012No, it really can shoot people, but it’s a sonic style weapon, using sound to trigger people’s hidden cues. Or knock them out or kill them. It really depends. And it does toast, too!
Liam, Head Phil
/ August 23, 2012Set phasers to toast… It doesn’t have the same ring.
Qui Sait Rien
/ August 23, 2012Not really, but the toast is really good.
Liam, Head Phil
/ August 23, 2012I can imagine… Does it butter it too?
Qui Sait Rien
/ August 23, 2012I’m pretty sure that my second MC could make it do that if he wanted. He did create the world’s first AI because he was bored and had access to a computer.
Liam, Head Phil
/ August 23, 2012Hmmm… You seem to have a perfect character there. Too perfect.
Qui Sait Rien
/ August 23, 2012He’s also a misogynist and gets punched once and I think slapped once because of it (so far). And he’s got no idea how the real world works, because he’s always been able to buy his way out of it.
…
I just realized my character is Tony Stark.
…
Revision may be in order.
Liam, Head Phil
/ August 24, 2012Indeed..
booksarebetterthandiamonds
/ August 22, 2012I was wondering how you managed to have that high of a word count! The number’s so high it’s crazy…
Liam, Head Phil
/ August 22, 2012I wrote an average of 3,481 words per day, according to the Camp NaNo stats. On most days I write 4000, which ought to give me something like 120,000 words by the end of a month. But I don’t write 4k every day, so some days I just did 2k…
I’m as surprised as you are.
booksarebetterthandiamonds
/ August 22, 2012Crazy fast writer, that’s what you are.
Liam, Head Phil
/ August 22, 2012Crazy fast writer with a ton of time, that’s what I am. On top of this I’ve managed to figure out a way to win at Solitaire 50% of the time… Yes, I’m bored.
booksarebetterthandiamonds
/ August 22, 2012Clearly.
Liam, Head Phil
/ August 22, 2012Indeed.
booksarebetterthandiamonds
/ August 22, 2012Not again…
Liam, Head Phil
/ August 22, 2012Indeed…
La Stranezza
/ August 22, 2012I always end up pantsing when I write, just because I can’t do it any other way–if I try to make a plot and follow it through the end it just doesn’t work. It’s like trying to play baseball with a loaded gun and papier-mâché rowing oars.
Liam, Head Phil
/ August 23, 2012Indeed. That’s a good way to think of it. As for me, some of the high points of my outline came through, but all in a different order than I intended.
La Stranezza
/ August 23, 2012The only thing my NaNoNovel has in common with my original image is the character’s names. Other than that, no…
Liam, Head Phil
/ August 23, 2012Ah. Very strange indeed.
La Stranezza
/ August 23, 2012I think it’s a conspiracy.
Liam, Head Phil
/ August 23, 2012I can relate.
La Stranezza
/ August 23, 2012We should make them out of fish! (Look! They’ve distorted my message out of fear and hate! They must be stopped before it’s too late!)
Liam, Head Phil
/ August 23, 2012I’m not sure if that last rhyming couplet was the conspiracy speaking or you, so… I’ll just join with all good leaders and wait and see how things turn out. *makes popcorn and settles down to watch*
La Stranezza
/ August 23, 2012Drat! Now I’ll have to eat my own hat…
Liam, Head Phil
/ August 23, 2012It’s remarkable how similar this conspiracy is to you… Are you putting me on?
La Stranezza
/ August 24, 2012No, I’m putting ME OFF.
Liam, Head Phil
/ August 24, 2012Hrm. I wonder if Google Translate has a conspiracy to English setting.
La Stranezza
/ August 24, 2012It doesn’t! Google is part of the conspiracy, too!
Liam, Head Phil
/ August 24, 2012I’m wondering if that’s the conspiracy talking…
La Stranezza
/ August 24, 2012It is. I had Google translate it for me.
Liam, Head Phil
/ August 24, 2012Eh? I’m confuzzled now.
La Stranezza
/ August 24, 2012You should be.
Liam, Head Phil
/ August 24, 2012Which is why I am. Because I always obey the laws of confuzzulity.
La Stranezza
/ August 24, 2012It’s the second best law, after the law of conservation of sweatpants.
Liam, Head Phil
/ August 24, 2012Indeed ’tis. Remind me, though: how does the thirty-second subsection run? I’ll make it more clear: is it a sort of flailing sprint, or more of a slow jog?
La Stranezza
/ August 24, 2012Both, combined and spat out by a trogdor.
Liam, Head Phil
/ August 24, 2012Ah, I remember now. Thanks.
Seana J. Vixen
/ August 23, 2012Wow. No writer’s block…. *daydreams while humming “It’s a Small World”* Perhaps that humming solo was not appropriate for that moment. Humming solos rarely are.
Writer’s block really isn’t too bad if you can find ways to get around it (thank you Pinterest), but often times it’s a real pest.
If you ever decide to post your novel on here, I’d love to take a peek at it.
Liam, Head Phil
/ August 23, 2012No… I will never post the thing on here. I’d have to get a new blog after that.
Seana J. Vixen
/ August 23, 2012…you’re right. I hadn’t thought of that.
Liam, Head Phil
/ August 23, 2012Yeah… It’s that bad. I might post an excerpt. Eventually.
Seana J. Vixen
/ August 23, 2012After a boatload of editing, eh?
Liam, Head Phil
/ August 23, 2012Perhaps.